lately

i've been so depressed lately, and there's not really anyone around to help me anymore. i'm home alone all the time, and i hate it. my dad's not around, and when he is, i just sit in my room and not say anything. i dont speak to my friends as much as i used to, i dont know what happened. i dont remember september - parts of march, april, may, june and july - because yet again i decided to abuse drugs, i've promised myself that i would quit a thousand times and everytime i just say "one more time" but i keep doing it again and again and again, i've had so many chances to do all these drugs, and the only reason i havent done them is because of my boyfriend. i care about him, and i promised myself i wouldnt do them anymore and i know if i do any of those things... i'll lose him, and everyone else.